Italy was bitter sweet.
I experienced some amazing things that are more than enough to stimulate and inspire.
I can’t say how many times I thought to myself “I could disappear and stay here.” But ALWAYS holding that thoughts hand was this terrible affliction.
Like a shadow.
I wouldn’t leave because of the relationship I have with my children.
There were so many times when I would do my favorite thing and just watch the world go by quietly.
Not needing anything. Inconspicuous. Just being.
A moment where I would let simplicity and normality take over my imagination.
Like a bubble being burst I would suddenly realize the epitome of what I oppose, due to this illness my life is anything but simple. I am reliant on society.
No just normally walking somewhere.
“Do I have my tablets?”
“Do I have my eye patch?”
“Do I have my walking stick?”
“Will I make it?”
“Who will I let know where I am going?”
“I remember when I didn’t have to do ANY of this.”
Then I would see, hear or taste the most amazing thing ever.
Some things have changed for me like I am only wearing my eye patch when focusing on something for a long time e.g.; watching a film or television or reading. My self confidence took a REAL beating when I got sick and I built up reliance on hiding behind the eye patch, (i am very conscientious of people looking right into my eyes, because i do that), having no eye patch allows me to look normal and doesn’t attract a heap of unwanted attention.
It gets me used to seeing people without the eye patch, (which i would sometimes avoid), and people used to looking at me and looking at my eyes.
It also gives me a wider field of vision and will maybe strengthen up my eyes to sort of coordinate?..
Don’t get me wrong I know a heap more about my cerebella dysfunction. I am a little disappointed there is no quick fix though.
I will write at length about Italy though there is just so much to enter, more reading to endure!
I did an interview for a journalist, (which will be in this weekend’s paper incidentally), 19 questions took me 6 weeks.
Thank goodness I don’t have a deadline to adhere to.
2 comments:
Phil - you continue to write with interest and humour!!! I do want to see a picture of you with an eye patch and sars mask. Half of Asia is wearing a mask right now in fear of Swine Flu - one of the mildest strains we have ever seen! I look forward to the full report on Italy.
See you on Friday hopefully. TH
Hi Phil, i just read your interview in the weekend Bully. Wow, it's been an amazing adventure for you since i last saw you. I really hope you don't remember that day, i believe i insulted your pj's with some lame joke at the Southport hospital. Sorry bout that! Haha. Pauline has been giving me updates on your progress in the Hardy's Rd carpark from time to time. I used to really look forward to seeing you on Tuesday arvo pickups when we used to park next to each other on Tarrant Dv. The good ol days huh? So, another Splendour In The Grass coming up next weekend. It'll be the first one in 5 years i haven't gone to. Better things to do...oh no! Does this mean i'm getting old??? That i'd rather watch Oscar play soccer than go to another music festival?! Gotta say, i'm lovin the Pirate look. It really suits you! Hahaha...look out Johnny Depp! Keep Rockin Baby...Anna. :)
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